Being tested

Has anyone out there listened to or read Elder Uchtdorf's talk on hope that he gave during the last LDS General Conference? This talk really hit home for me because I never have hope. Never, ever. I'm always looking at the worst case scenario and imagining doom and gloom in the future. I crumble at the tiniest sign of adversity and don't handle unexpected problems well. Adam and I have often commented that I'm the pessimist of the relationship and he's the optimist and so things balance out between us and we maintain a healthy relationship. Since I read this talk though I've been trying to change this part of me, and I feel like my determination to change has been tested, especially during these past few days. Molly is still in the hospital and I've had to deal with making some decisions that I felt were tough ones to make. Yes, I know that Molly is not as sick as most kids I take care of in this same hospital room, but this is my baby. I never imagined that I'd be trying to talk doctors out of doing a spinal tap on her or that I'd be arguing the purpose of senseless treatments and refusing them when the doctors insist my daughter receive them. Being an advocate for my daughter, although it has been for very minor things, has had more emotional toll on me than I thought it would. That, and getting practically no sleep for 4 days has been pretty rough. I've had many reasons to give up on my goal of being more hopeful, but I'm determined to see it through, the best I can. I think I've been told every day that I only had one more night here and then something happens. We're still here by the way because she developed a fever and had to get a full septic work-up and IV antibiotics for 48 hours. That 48 hours will be up tomorrow morning. So...I'm being hopeful that nothing else can go wrong. I feel like everything I've hoped for so far has been taken away from me. For example, all last night while I was up with Molly I was looking forward to Adam getting here after dropping Abby off at a friend's house so I could get a couple of hours of sleep. When I called him this morning, he said that Abby had a fever and was throwing up. So I had to give that up. I was also told today that Molly had a UTI and would be able to go home today on oral antibiotics. Later I found out that the specimen could have been contaminated so she didn't necessarily have a UTI so we had to stay another night. Adam's mom is flying out and will land in an hour. So...I'm hoping she gets here without any delays so that Adam can come spend the night here and give me some time to sleep. I'm hoping Abby gets well quickly. I'm hoping Molly continues to recover from her choking spells until she can get her test done next week. But mostly I'm hoping I'm done being tested because I'm not sure I could take much more! (Knock on wood, knock on wood!)